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March 13, 2007
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Vote Cartman 2008 by Cszemis Vote Cartman 2008 by Cszemis
VOTERS were shocked last night when it was revealed that Republican candidate for the upcoming Presidential election will be a nine year old boy.

Eric Cartman of South Park, Colorado was a surprising candidate but gained quick support from the party after his first speech received a ten minute standing ovation.

A senior member of the Republican Party explained why the nine year old had been put forward:

“We did consider putting Rice forward for a very long time but we decided that it would be a foolish thing to do. The Democrats will have you believe that America is quite forward thinking and supportive of all candidates.

“But I’m afraid to say that the average American is not ready for a Black President. That’s not to say they are racist, they just won’t elect one. And do you really see someone willing to be the “First Man” or the “First Husband?” Hillary, I don’t think so.”

The only disruption during Cartman’s first appearance was a violent outburst from another child who cannot be named for legal reasons. The Republicans have requested that this boy be retained in custody until the end of the Presidential campaign.

Eric Cartman said: “I have nothing against this kid but he will spread lies about me. He’ll say I’m Anti-Semitic. But you shouldn’t listen to him because he’s nothing but a dirty, stinking Jew.

“I’m here to put forward the real issues. Things like, er... the name of people and er, freedom and I dunno. Democracy, stuff like that.

“I’m not afraid of the war in Iraq. But unlike Bush, if things don’t go my way in the Middle East I’ll have no problem saying ‘Screw you guys, I’m going home.’

“But you definitely shouldn’t listen to Kahl’s vicious lies. I’m building bridges between the nations of the world. I’m not stupid, my brain is not impaired. I’m not fat. I’m smarter than all of you and I’m much better looking too.”

Public opinion polls have also shown a great deal of support for the Presidential hopeful. A survey conducted on male voters aged 40-55 showed that 35% believed he was the right man for the job, 25% voted against, saying he was too young and a whopping 40% said it didn’t matter because Eric Cartman was hot and they’d vote for him anyway.

Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama were unavailable to comment as they had been mysteriously bound and gagged and were found unconscious in a janitor’s closet. It is speculated that they were trying out a new sex technique and Bill Clinton had accidentally locked them in when he was shopping for cigars.

With the countdown to the elections in November 2008 the Democrat candidates may have difficulty overcoming young Eric Cartman’s ‘authoritah.’
-------------------------------------------------

Hahaha Im very amused to see that the fictional Republican representative was proven wrong. Barack Obama is now President, no longer just President elect and very well done for him. Back when I wrote this I barely knew who he was.

Before anyone asks I am a journalist so I'm used to writing articles but I never get to make them funny. Now here was my chance. One of Cartman's quotes is actually from Zaphod Beeblebrox, another famous fictional President.

Clairebear xx
Add a Comment:
 
:iconclonetrooper21:
Clonetrooper21 Featured By Owner May 11, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I vote for Kyle instead of the fat jackass cartman is
Reply
:iconsweetgems:
SweetGems Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2012  Student General Artist
Anybody but Obama, I know that much...
Reply
:iconcszemis:
Cszemis Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2012  Student Writer
Anyone but Romney. Anyone but Republicans full stop.
Reply
:iconfedorahead:
fedorahead Featured By Owner Apr 10, 2010  Hobbyist General Artist
SQUEE! I knew the quote sounded familiar... Zaphod is my all-time favourite dude.
Reply
:iconunnamednewbie13:
unnamednewbie13 Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2009  Student Traditional Artist
Cartman would run for office under any party just for the sheer joy of power and beating someone else.
Reply
:iconmasterge77:
Masterge77 Featured By Owner Feb 24, 2009  Hobbyist
I would rather vote Clinton back in than havining the most foul mouthed kid on TV ruining our beloved country......
Reply
:iconsaiyuri-chan:
Saiyuri-Chan Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2008
sorry update:
DAMN RIGHT HES HOT DAMN BABY WE FINALLY GET A SEXY PRESIDENTS WOOHOO

lol
Reply
:iconsaiyuri-chan:
Saiyuri-Chan Featured By Owner Mar 8, 2008
hes got my vote
Reply
:iconsupermaids:
SuperMaids Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2008
Eric is a republican? I always immagined him leading the Demmocrats into fascism, with the tollerence totalitarians from the Death Camp of Tollerence at his side...

I'd be more inclined to vote Cartman than Huckabee!
Reply
:iconcszemis:
Cszemis Featured By Owner Feb 13, 2008  Student Writer
He says in several episodes that he prefers Republicans and he explicitly says "Democrats piss me off"
Reply
:iconsupermaids:
SuperMaids Featured By Owner Feb 14, 2008
I know they're all a bunch of whiny hippies, but he didn't exactly like the gingers before he led them. Whoever gave him the opportunity to get power, he'd side with. He has that many scruples/ he's that good of a politician.
Reply
:iconkirriee:
kirriee Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2007
OH EM GEE.
OMG.
I AM SO VOTING FOR CARTMAN.
OMGG.
LOLOLOL.

CARTMAN FOR PRESIDENT, HELLZ YEA!
Reply
:iconcszemis:
Cszemis Featured By Owner Oct 25, 2007  Student Writer
If you don't vote for him he'll make you suck his balls tho lol
Reply
:iconkirriee:
kirriee Featured By Owner Oct 30, 2007
I'd much rather see Kyle do it though...LMAO.
But, I'm still gonna vote for him anyway.
Reply
:iconkmkinluv:
kmkinluv Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2007
I was in that 40%!!!!!!
And, when election time comes, I am sneaking into a poll booth and voting for Eric Cartman. Because I'm 13, and I can't vote.

VOTE FOR ERIC CARTMAN!! BECAUSE HE IS THE HOTTNESS!! AND HE KNOWS WHAT'S BEST!!!!(hehe.)

I am going to put signs up saying "Eric Cartman for President."
Watch me get arrested! Lol!
Reply
:iconelephantking89:
Elephantking89 Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2007  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
well cartman can't be anyworse then Hiliary
Reply
:iconcszemis:
Cszemis Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2007  Student Writer
Hahaha you so sure?
Reply
:iconelephantking89:
Elephantking89 Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2007  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
yes....just look at Bill's presidency
Reply
:iconelephantking89:
Elephantking89 Featured By Owner Oct 20, 2007  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
well cartman can't be anyworse then Hiliary
Reply
:iconpoopisverygood:
poopISVERYgood Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2007
LOL, I bet Kyle will become a democrat or something and Kenny gets shot by Dick Cheney.
Reply
:iconcszemis:
Cszemis Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2007  Student Writer
hahaha I like the last part, sounds about right
Reply
:iconpoopisverygood:
poopISVERYgood Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2007
:D
Reply
:iconmitchfoxbane:
Mitchfoxbane Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2007
Looks like Kyle and the Jewish people might fear him when Cartman becomes a future president!
Reply
:iconcszemis:
Cszemis Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2007  Student Writer
LOL if he did then yeah
Reply
:iconelephantking89:
Elephantking89 Featured By Owner Jul 27, 2007  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
can you say Heil Cartman?
Reply
:iconkylestanfan:
kylestanfan Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2007
I'm sorry, but...while I agree with their logic and reasoning (what little of it they possess XD), I would NEVER vote for Cartman.

But seriously...someone DOES need to say that to Iraq. I say make the new guy at the embassy do it. Get all dressed up, put in the security convoy for the 30-minute, two-block trip, go into the Iraqi Foreign Minister's office and hand him a note from G.W. and say, "Minister, on behalf of my government: Screw you guys, I'mma goin' hoooooome."

I would SO volunteer for that.
Reply
:iconcszemis:
Cszemis Featured By Owner May 1, 2007  Student Writer
LOL I'm sure several people would volunteer for that job but still end up getting blown up as they were leaving. C'est la vie.
Reply
:iconkylestanfan:
kylestanfan Featured By Owner May 1, 2007
Oh yeah...forgot about that bit. Tis why you'd need several people XD
Reply
:iconathena1999:
athena1999 Featured By Owner Mar 20, 2007
I am totally in love with your story. Seriously, that would make the PERFECT episode for the next election day. ANd of course, Eric would bring Kahl into this... XD

And it was no problem doing the background at all!

Hmmmm... regarding who's going to become the prez, it's going to be hard deciding between Eric and Zaphod. XD Get back to me on that. ;P
Reply
:iconcszemis:
Cszemis Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2007  Student Writer
I think I'd have to go for Zaphod really. He's a lot more fun and there'd be low alcohol prices which is always a great thing
Reply
:icondiamondxpink618:
DiamondxPink618 Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2007
Haha, running for president seems exactly like something Cartman would do. Though, it's also very creepy...Hitler tried getting elected into the German Reichstag in order to gain power. Watch out Kyle!!!

Good job :)
Reply
:iconcszemis:
Cszemis Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2007  Student Writer
LOL Kyle is looking out and causing a fuss, he ended up arrested
Reply
:icondiamondxpink618:
DiamondxPink618 Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2007
Poor lil' guy :)
Reply
:iconicelilly:
Icelilly Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2007  Hobbyist Writer
Oh man, I seriously cracked up while reading this XD
Sadly though, he gets my vote. I'd like to see what he would do with the war in Iraq and the realtionship between the US and Canada.
Reply
:iconcszemis:
Cszemis Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2007  Student Writer
LOL I'm so glad you found it funny.
Reply
:icontregetry:
tregetry Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2007  Hobbyist General Artist
I would vote for him. I would totally vote for him. XDDD I think the best line was the "Screw you guys, I'm going home" one.

But man, if it came down between Zaphod and Eric, I'd have to choose Zaphod. You know what they say, two heads are better than one...
Reply
:iconcszemis:
Cszemis Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2007  Student Writer
Yeah and of course you can't be president with a whole brain!
Reply
:icontregetry:
tregetry Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2007  Hobbyist General Artist
You only use 10% of it anyway.

And as long as they've got the charisma, and the confidence...
Reply
:iconcszemis:
Cszemis Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2007  Student Writer
and the worst dressed sentient being in the universe award?
Reply
:icontregetry:
tregetry Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2007  Hobbyist General Artist
Well, I think Cartman tries to look respectable to the rest of the world.

Which would make Zaphod the winner, if Cartman would stand for it.

"Zaphod Beeblebrox...he's the guy you want to voooote for..." haha, it just occured to me how much of a hippy song that sounds like...It's so mellow and soft and randomly insults the opponent...just like hippy songs...

...Oh man, Cartman would go nuts if he lost to a hippy.
Reply
:iconcszemis:
Cszemis Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2007  Student Writer
Yeah I love Zaphod though, he's awesome
Reply
:icontregetry:
tregetry Featured By Owner Mar 15, 2007  Hobbyist General Artist
Agreed.

I'm highly egotistical, and see a lot of myself in him. Which is why I think he's awesome. XD
Reply
:icontweekygirl:
tweekygirl Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2007
OMG. i love this.
i'd vote for him ((if i could vote XD))

AHH. i love the whole blurb in the artist comments section. i was cracking up the whole time while i was reading it :D
Reply
:iconcszemis:
Cszemis Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2007  Student Writer
Yeah I was cracking up as I was writing it. The original was more offensive but I didn't want to be called racist or have supporters of either party jumping on me
Reply
:icon87fg:
87fg Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2009
But it's a joke, anyone who has seen the show knows that's the style of humor.People are just too sensitive.
Reply
:iconlenaxrock:
LeNaxROCK Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2007
Haha I'd love to see an episode of that. :]
Unfortunately, with Hitler apparently being one of his idols, I'd be wary of that. >.>
lol. Nice pic! I *love* his expression! Very nice :D
Reply
:iconcszemis:
Cszemis Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2007  Student Writer
Yeah thats why Kyle needs to keep an eye out, force Cartman to make him one of his advisors or something and then he can check up on what fatass it up to
Reply
:iconstardroidjean:
stardroidjean Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2007
Haha oh god, what a frightening idea. XD he looks so cute and high on himself.

Sadly I'd probably vote for him. His points ar charming, just like him.
Reply
:iconcszemis:
Cszemis Featured By Owner Mar 14, 2007  Student Writer
Yeah, you notice that he's a good public speaker and he can charm people
Reply
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